This is flat out the best book I’ve read on family ministry… period. The strength of this book is that the reader is given a strategy to overcome the well-drawn hierarchy of the typically departmentalized church.  Joiner calls for an intergrated appproach to family ministry but most churches’ org charts fight this. You’ll be given the tools to begin that work.

You’ll also find a section filled with foundational assumptions about family ministry that you can cull from,  whether you buy completely into ReThink’s strategy and curriculum or not. That’s really not the point of the book. What will happen by reading this book, and discussing it with your youth minsitry counterparts, and senior leadership is that you’ll get a discussion started about coordinating your efforts to best partner with families.

This book is destined to be a required reading for future graduating children, youth, and family ministers.

I had a unique opportunity to watch a volunteer training at my church done, literally, Hollywood-style. ABC’s Extreme Home Makeover was in town to build a home and my church was selected to host the volunteer pep rally. Over 500 contractors and tradesmen came poured into the auditorium on a Friday Morning to be inspired and oriented for the job for building, decorating, and furnishing a home in 108 hours. The rally/training event was run by Conrad Rickett, of the Lock and Key Production Company. Conrad was equipped with a microphone, his enthusiasm, and a handful of video clips– stuff that available to you and I. Here are some “take away’s” that you can bring into our ministries even if we don’t have a big screen budget:

Use the Time before the Training Well

Conrad met with our tech team well before the guests started arriving. He wasn’t scrambling to test his microphone or making last minute copies. Conrad met the guests in the lobby, shook their hands, and thanked them for their involvement. When the training began he’d only be able to address the volunteers as a crowd. But in the minutes before the event began he was able to make a personal touch. With a little advanced preparation we can create the calm space to make an individual connection with the folk who make our children’s ministries go.

Vision: Invite the Volunteers into a Great Story

Conrad opened the morning by telling the story of how Extreme Makeover came to be. ABC contacted Lock and Key and asked them to pitch a show that could compete with remodeling shows on the cable networks. Conrad’s initial concept was a show where seven designers remodeled a home in seven days. ABC accepted the show, but Conrad quickly realized the emptiness of the story. The homes they were going to remodel were already luxurious—they didn’t need any work. This didn’t make for “must-see” viewing. Frustrated, Conrad drove into a run down section of LA and found the most dilapidated home on the block. He asked the girl in the yard why they were letting their house fall apart. She answered that one of her parents had heath problems—there simply wasn’t the time or money to invest in the home. Conrad realized that he had a better story! The show would about improving the lives of heroic people who were overwhelmed by life circumstances. The show would present stories of second chances. This superior story inspired hundred of skilled workers to donate their time in each town a home is built and commands a viewing audience of 13 million people.

What kind of story are you presenting your volunteers? Are you inviting them provide child care? Or are you inviting them to introduce children to the God who loves them?

Stories of Changed Lives

Conrad didn’t stop casting vision with a broad picture of changing lives. He showed a video clip filled with several families telling how their lives were changed. We watched video of foster parents, a war veteran who lost a leg in Iraq, and a rescue worker at Ground Zero who had there lives changed by volunteers like those in the room. These stories served let the construction workers, plumbers, and electricians know that they weren’t just building another house; they were building into a very real life.
We can capitalize on the power of an individual story by providing our volunteers the opportunities to swap stories about the changed lives they see. We can video tape the testimonies of grateful parents and show them to our volunteers. By keeping stories of changed lives in front of our volunteer we remind them that their work matters.

Core Values

Conrad placed two simple core values in front of the contractors: Safety and Quality. He assured the volunteers that they’d be turned away if they weren’t wearing the appropriate safety gear. And he reminded them that they building a home quickly, but also correctly. Corners would not be cut. This would be a home that would last for generations.

These two core values empowered the volunteers to make independent decisions quickly. They never needed so run questions about safety or quality through the site supervisors. They were given the freedom to do the safe and excellent thing whenever a crossroad presented itself. This type of freedom was essential in light of the tight deadline.

We can give our volunteers the same level of empowerment by regularly reviewing our core values at our trainings.

Honor Your Team

Conrad made a point to introduce every member his production staff and to explain what is that they do and how he’d be lost without them. We met the ground team who worked with the City of Erie and prepared the neighbor for the reality that their lives would be interrupted with a reality show. We met the foremen who’d supervise volunteers. All the behind the scenes workers who don’t make the big screen were brought to the fore front and celebrated.

Who are your behind-the-scenes core people who you can’t live without? Honor some of them at your next staff meeting. Let your teachers know who collects their supplies, builds the schedules, or sanitizes the toys. By acknowledging these behind the scenes heroes, you keep them energized, affirmed, and in the game.

Centuries ago, when God wanted to sabotage a building misguided building project he multiplied the number of language: the result was a once unified team disbanding leaving the project undone.

There were times during the course of our church campus relocation that multiple languages threatened to block our goal of having a well decorated, kid-friendly children’s ministry space. The language barrier we face wasn’t one that hiring an interpreter would overcome. We weren’t struggling to pass ideas from English to Spanish. My hybrid team of Sunday School Teachers and contractors and interior decorators found ourselves wrestling to agree over the meaning of a few handfuls of words.

Take the two syllable word “color.” My mind immediately went to the deep blues and purples on the walls of several large-church children’s ministries inspired by Disney. That same word “color” evoke more subdued images in the decorators mind. While my mind when to the Magic Kingdom, theirs went to the Mall and colors inspired by Pottery Barn and Old Navy.

I quickly found myself at a disadvantage trying to communicate my vision with these team members; My color vocabulary was limited to those hues represented my box of eight crayons. They insisted on speaking over my head with words like “ecru”, “straw”, and “brick.” I was fairly certain that these are not colors at all, but the buildings material used by the three pigs: This, a further reason not to trust their input.

Then there’s the word “design.” In the minds of my Sunday School teachers this word is code for toys and furniture that are developmentally appropriate and safe. Ask any of the decorators what “design” meant and they’d use phrases like “European-”, “focal point”, or “eye-lines.” The teachers instinctively arranged the furniture for maximum functionality. The decorators biased toward grouping the furniture in ways that pleased the eye.

The word “safety” became a point of contention. While wicker baskets made more better design but

The process of harmonizing these two lexicons of values and priorities was difficult. Early on the process, tensions occasionally flared. Team members clung to their “dialects” early on and talked past each other.

And which camp was correct?

The truth be told, each camp added a needed perspective to the process. The team members with design experience gave us a unique look that makes visiting families take notice and that captures the imagination of the children who enter the wing. The perspective of the Sunday School Teachers and Coaches ensured that the classrooms were safe and functional.

Why does this story matter? It was an ad hoc team that I won’t experience again for several years until we decide to give the kid’s wing a face lift.

The experience reminded me that every team I lead is filled with people with diverse perspectives. More importantly, it’s the diverse strengths in the room that are behind the diverse perspectives. The Apostle Paul informed us that every believer was equipped with a supernaturally energy, a gift, that is to be used benefit the body of Christ. However, Karl Marx reminded us that our personal assets act as a filter that alters how we perceive reality when he said “When you have a hammer all you see is nails.”

What does that mean for our teams?

Those with the gift of leadership walk into a team meeting and see followers.

Exhorters look at the team and see people needing challenged and correcting.

Those with mercy gifts see people needing affirmed and healed.

And those with hospitality gifts are focused offering warmers for coffee.

All these difference of perspective and that’s just how the team members view each other. Just wait until the team members start sharing how they view the leadership challenge that they’ve been invited to tackle.

Marcus Buckingham offers a solution with his phrase “a common language of empowerment.” Buckingham points out that it’s not enough for each team member to know her or her own strengths. Teams come closer to achieving optimal performance when each member is aware of what their partners are bringing to the table. Communication between team members increase when there’s mutual appreciation and understanding of the diverse gifts represented at the table.

How can you go about this?

Consider having each member of your team take my “Lead the Way God Made You” leadership test. (Click on the book cover in the right hand column. You only need to purchase one copy. The test is “Ok to Copy.” Then over coffee allow each person to discuss his or her own unique leadership voice and what he or she believes they are able to add to the team. You’ll launch a discussion your team will refer to often as they negotiate their differences.

By the way, my children’s ministry wing has plenty of ecru, brick, and straw paint in the murals, along with apple green, and a host of other color names I can’t recall.
And I love it.

I didn’t except to like Group’s latest curriculum, Buzz. In fact, I was downright oppositional to the concept when first learned of it. A few years ago, I was at Group Publishing with dozen’s of other ministry leaders at a Large Church Summit. Chris Yount-Jones talked in general terms about a new curriculum they were using that would eliminate the need for teacher preparation. I translated that statement into “encourages sloppy and uncommitted teachers.”

In the meantime, I had done some thinking about video curriculum and how the falling price of video editing technology was impacting children’s ministry.  I came to the conclusion whether or not to use video, and how much of it, is only one of the points we  need consider. There’s a metaphor that video and more specifically video editing presents that is primary: non-linear editing. Children regularly use free or inexpensive editing software to edit their own movies. The software allows them to make choices about regarding which pieces of the video that want to use and in which order.

Most curriculum meanwhile is strictly linear (that’s why we teachers use “outlines”.)

I’ve field tested Buzz twice and had two of my most seasoned volunteers use it. What  I love about the cirriculum is that it embraces a non-linear principle. The curriculum offers five directions that the learning experience can move in. Children make that choice, randomly, by using fun game pieces. A directions is chosen, the teachers reads the card, and the class does what ever is on the card. There’s still an outline to Buzz ( it opens with sharing, moves to the randomized experience, and closes with prayer and application time), but the outline is hidden within the game-feel and is much more loose and “loopy.” Children feel a sense of control over the flow of the experience.

A couple of things that I’d like to see in future Buzz kits…

1) Video: Video clips could be incorporated on some of those cards.  A card could instruct the class to watch a 5-minute clip and discuss it.

2) Simpler music: The Pre-K, Kindergarten curriculum had a piggy back-song about the animals in creation. We were supposed to sing along with the disc. However, the song was wordy– ostriches, lions, elephants, etc.  The children couldn’t keep up. I had to have them drop out and just listen to the disc.

But those are minor squabbles. My first impression of Buzz is that this is the first truly original approach to children’s ministry curriculum since video curriculums appeared on the scene. The industry zigged and Group has countered with an exceptional “zag.” We’ll be Buzzing at my church come Fall.

Here’s the second Mentoring Project Father’s Day Video. If you haven’t yet, visit www.thementoringproject.org to order buy your dad a gift and make a difference in the life of a mentor.

A few months ago, we posted that Craigslist had been identified as  the largest online broker of sex trafficking and online child prostitution. Craiglist recently dropped their “Erotic Services” in May, in response to global protests that were organized by the Polaris Project.

The June ‘09 Edition of Men’s Health Magazine has list of the most influential people in our children’s lives, at least those who are shaping the culture in which they are being raised.

1) Max Barenburg: Popularized the reversible car seat, which allows your child face you. According to a 2008 Scottish study, this increases vocalization and future language skills.

2) Philip Landrigan, MD: In the ’70s, Dr. Landrigan championed the fight against lead paint and lead in gasoline. Now, he’s the head of the National Children’s Study and is a researching environmental causes for autism, ADHD, asthma, and autism.

3) Gary March: Gary oversees original programming development for Disney. Disney’s XD channel is his work. He’s focused on finding shows that appeals to the difficult preteen boy demographic.

4) Shigeru Miyamoto: Shigeru was a lead designer behind the Wii motion-controlers. He’s changed how children play video games. Kids are just a bit more active playing games than they used to be.

5, 6) Malia and Sasha Obama: The editors of MH’s noted that stock in J.Crew rose 11% after the first girls wore Crew coats on Inauguration Day. Expect their styles to be strutinized and copied for the next four years.

7) Howard Ganz: Howard is the man behind Webkinz. Howard’s company made teddy bears exclusively until he showed up. Ganz married plush stuffed animals with online social networking and video games.

8,9,10: Jack Dorsey, Biz Stone, and Evan Williams: This trio invented Twitter. Twitter doesn’t seems to be as popular w/ teens as it is with adults. But they continue to advance the changing way that people socialize– disembodied and alone.

11: Arne Duncan: He is the current Secretary of Education. This year he’s doling out $43.2 billion for education in hte stimulus package.

That’s Men’s Health’s list. What do you think? Who else needs to be included as a kid’s culture creator?

I’ve just come off a rather tedious bit of travel to the far reaches of churchdom and am always amazed at how creative, enthusiastic and humble many children’s leaders and volunteers are in their congregations. But every now and then I come across a volunteer or a leader that just seems to me to be, how do I say this delicately…Ignorant!

Read this quote from a 5th and 6th Grade volunteer sent to a children’s director and tell me what you think:

In this Sunday school lesson [Group's Preteen Grapple]  the group discussion question was: “Ask the kids what their recycling habits are at home.”  – Why would we discuss any family habits at church? Home habits are off limits – Sunday school is not a place to expose private home matters. (Emphasis mine, as usual)

What? Are you SERIOUS? What do you think kids who grow up in this mindset will take away about the church?

Just finished on the plane yesterday the very readable article by Jonah Lehrer (http://www.jonahlehrer.com/about) the author of Proust was a Neuroscientist and the recent How We Decide in the New Yorker titled “Don’t: The Secret of Self Control” (http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/05/18/090518fa_fact_lehrer).

This young author is a Rhodes Scholar and really hits on the thesis that “intelligence is really important, but it’s still not as important as self-control.” Read that again! It seems that you can have a GREAT IQ but grades and success come to those with self-control AND good IQ!!!

He shows the very famous “marshmallow”  experiement where children who waited to eat their portion would get a larger portion. The ones who gave in to their cravings displayed tactics bound to fail. They stared at the marshmallows, they fixated on what they couldn’t have. Then they gave in to their cravings. Those children who delayed gratification did something interesting…they closed their eyes, they looked away, they even “forgot” about the marshmallows…intentional strategies that seem simple and remarkable.

If the fruit of the Spirit is “self-control” then our focusing on the SPIRIT is a time-honored, proven technique of delaying immediate gratification by shifting the focus from the object of our desire to the Spirit!!! Unlike some curriculums that focus on the behavior of self-control…our Bible has built in mechanisms of re-direction that focus on Christ and out of HIS Spirit brings successful self control. That’s why “Self Control” is a fruit OF the Spirit, not some tactically taught virtue!

Incidentally, the article concludes with a caution. Professor Mischel knows that “it’s not enough to just teach kids mental tricks–the real challenge is turning those tricks into habits, and that requires years of diligent practice. ‘This is where your parents are important,’ Mischel says. ‘Have they established rituals that force you to delay on a daily basis? Do they encourage you to wait? And do they make waiting worthwhile?’ According to Mischel, even the most mundane routines of chilhood–such as not snacking before dinner, or saving up your allowance, or holding out until Christmas morning–are really sly exercises in cognitive training: we’re teaching ourelves how to think so that we can outsmart our desires.”